


Some Nuggets Once Told Me Rapmon Was Gonna Drug Me

by Can_o_tuna_balism



Category: Ouran High School Host Club - All Media Types, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Broken Computers, But now you're all going to find out about Rapmon's plans, Drug. The. Nuggets., Gen, I swear to god I won't turn this into a rapdaddy fanfic just to fuck with you, No one can find out about Rapmon's plans, Ouran High School Mafia, Rapmon's Drunk Chicken Nuggets, the shrekoning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 12:42:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14378889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Can_o_tuna_balism/pseuds/Can_o_tuna_balism
Summary: This isn't your DAD's chicken nugget fanfic.





	1. Nugget-napped

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Jeenius_the_Dork](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeenius_the_Dork/gifts).



> For Jeenius_the_Dork's 20th Birthday, which just so happens to be on 4/20. Happy Birthday, you weirdo.

**Somewhere, Korea.**

**Time: 0420 hours**

Rapmon could not believe it. He had never felt so exposed in his whole god damn life. 

 

There was only one solution. 

Drugs. 

 

 

**A Very Secret Location in Ontario, Canada.**

 

Jeenius was complaining to can_o_tuna_balism, her good friend and co-conspirator in the art of bad crack fanfiction, about her computer breaking. Right before exams. The WORST time for a laptop to break. The conversation went a little something like this:

 

 **Jeenius:** riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip

 **Can_o_tuna_balism:** Lol what happened?

 **J:** my laptop went to the grave. 

 **C:** Oh nooooo!!!!

 **J:** RIIIIIIIIIIIP. isn't it great when it happens close to exam season?

 **C:** Just... so great

 **C:** Completely off topic but I'm going to write you a fanfic for your birthday

 **C:** It will be all sorts of terrible

 **J:** oh god....

 **J:** I'm so ready

 

(Note: for privacy purposes, any resemblance to actual text message conversations - which I totally didn't copy word for word - are a coincidence. All information has been changed to protect the identities of these two assholes)

 

Jeenius didn't care about her laptop breaking because she needed it for studying. Sure, some people use laptops for productivity, but who are we kidding? This isn't one of those stories. No, Jeenius was sad because she wouldn't be able to release an endless stream of crack fanfiction without her laptop, much less destroy Miraculous Ladybug and Star vs. The Forces of Evil forums with her trolling. 

 

She needed to think of something, and quick. There were people relying on her. Relying on her to expose Rapmon for his hand in drugging the chicken nuggets. People needed to know. 

 

He'd drugged the other members of BTS for the LAST time. Hadn't Yoongi already suffered enough?! After all, he WAS a D boy (*wink*). 

 

Jeenius heard a flier drop in through their mail slot, which is weird because both Jeenius and I are pretty sure they don't even HAVE a mail slot. 

 

"I'm pretty sure I don't have a mail slot," Jeenius mused as she walked over to her front door. 

 

Picking up the flier on the ground, she saw that it was a McDonald's flier offering FREE CHICKEN NUGGETS for a LIMITED TIME ONLY. 

 

"Shit, free chicken nuggets for a limited time only? I guess I could take a break from TRollING TeHHH Forums to shove some reshaped chicken sludge into my mouth!" Taking a closer look at the flier, Jeenius noticed that there was a catch. The offer was only available for people who wrote fanfiction involving chicken nuggets. Fanfiction would need to be made available upon use of the coupon. 

 

 _My parents will be so disappointed if they find out that I'm writing fanfiction. My mom already thinks my friends are weird because they showed up to my house in cosplay back in Grade 10.... I guess the only logical explanation would be to wear a disguise._ She thought. 

 

Completely skipping over the plot hole where I forget to explain how Jeenius's parents would manage to find out about her fanfiction just because she used this coupon, the plot continues. 

 

One disguise montage later, and Jeenius was feeling pretty proud of herself. She was dressed as Kyoya from Ouran High School Host Club (not to be confused with the sassier and dumber version of Kyoya from the fanfiction Jeenius wrote with her friend - Ouran High School Mafia). Pushing up the glasses on her nose, she almost blinded a bird with the glare that shot off of the glass. She was ready. 

 

**Some time later....**

 

"Now serving order number 419!" 

 

McDonald's was busy. Not for the first time, Jeenius was glad she'd had the idea to wear a disguise. Clutching a copy of her fanfiction in one hand, she proceeded to the cash to grab her order. She was number 419. Obviously. 

 

The cashier had been a little confused when she'd initially presented the coupon, but then another employee who looked vaguely like a knock off of Min Yoongi from BTS had pushed the other cashier out of the way and accepted her coupon. 

 

"So many people forgot their copies of fanfiction. It's a good thing you remembered yours because these chicken nuggets can be [expensive girl](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjZ5CKKgRXU)."

 

"Ummm... I'm not a girl.... I'm Kyoya." 

 

The cashier just raised his eyebrows at her. Despite the fact that Jeenius was holding the nugget bag, he wasn't letting go. "What did you say your fanfiction was about, again?"

 

"Um......" Jeenius wrenched the bag from his hands and yelled, "CHICKEN NUGGETS," before rushing outside. 

 

Once in the safety of the car, she opened the bag and popped a nugget into her mouth. 

 

Unrolling her fanfiction, she laughed.  _Sucker. It's ACTUALLY an Ouran High School Mafia fanfiction._

 

 

Victory was sweet. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or was it?

 

Just was she was about to turn on the car, she started to feel queasy, as if she'd been drugged by a nugget bandit. 

 

As she was fading away, Jeenius heard the car door open and the last thing she saw was the cashier removing his shitty Yoongi disguise to reveal the scariest face known to man underneath. 

 

The last thing she saw before she closed her eyes was this Rapmon as [Mona Lisa](http://www.gurupop.com/fanclubs/rapmonster/346868-Rap-Monster-as-mona-lisa).

 

"You've gotta be kidding me."


	2. I've Got a Butt, Got a Butt Full of Money, I've Gotta Get Tamaki to Heeeeelp Me... oh-oooohhhhh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Unlike Stacy's Mom, Kyoya does NOT have it going on.

Jeenius didn't remember starting up the car and driving, but she must have managed to get away from Rapmon because she was driving down an idyllic route next to the ocean. 

 

Twenty minutes later, though, something seemed off. 

 

 _Wait a second.... my city is landlocked and nowhere NEAR the ocean...._ She thought.  _What kind of jackassery is this???_

 

"Well, I can tell you that it's not JACK'S assery," a voice said from the passenger seat. 

 

"Woah, what the FUCK?" She almost drove the car off the road. Getting control of what she was now realizing was an oversized mom van (not even remotely similar to the car she'd driven to McDonald's) she looked over at the passenger seat to see Can_o_tuna_balism. 

 

"Dude, how did YOU get here? You live half way across the country...."

 

"That was BEFORE you got drugged. Now, I live in this car." Jeenius didn't even dignify that with a response. It just... it just didn't make sense. Which was not surprising. Half the stuff that came out of her co-writer's mouth didn't make sense and the other half of it was self-deprecating adopted kid jokes. 

 

"Ooooooohhh! Look! There's the warehouse!" 

 

"Warehouse? What warehouse? I don't see any -- oh shit, you have GOT to be FUCKING KIDDING ME."

 

It was the Ouran High School Mafia Warehouse. 

 

The mom van. Can_o_tuna_balism being there. It was all adding up. 

 

"Please tell me I'm not dressed as Kyoya still...." 

 

Her co-writer gave her a once over and said, "Nope! And don't worry, you're not dressed as Tamaki either."

 

"Thank GOD I don't look like that idiotic fuck."

 

"Right? Now look alive, they're waiting for us."

 

As Jeenius drove the car up to the warehouse, Can_o_tuna_balism waved and said, "Well, good luck in there. You're going to need it!"

 

"Good luck? What do you mean?" But she could see that Can_o_tuna_balism was already starting to vanish. With just their face visible, her co-writer said, "I gotta go for a second. I was making kraft dinner and I can hear the water boiling over."

 

 _This universe makes no sense,_ Jeenius thought to herself as she pulled through the now open doors of the warehouse and parked the car. She couldn't see who'd opened the door for her. There didn't seem to be anyone in the warehouse. 

 

Checking other parts of the warehouse, she thought she heard music from the background. The sound was growing steadily as she got closer to the back room. 

 

That meant one of two things:

1) The warehouse, which doubled as the mafia's hideout, was ALSO being used by coked out teens for secret dance raves

2) Kyoya was in the building

 

Either way, both of those possibilities was terrifying. 

 

Peeking through the door, Jeenius saw what was quite possibly the most terrifying thing she'd ever seen (and she'd seen [Rapmon's face](https://a.wattpad.com/cover/119394438-352-k587668.jpg)). 

 

"OF GOT A BOY ON MY CHIN! I'VE GOT A [BOY CHICKEN](https://i.redd.it/2bka11eqyt1z.jpg)!" 

 

Kyoya was dancing. Ass. Naked. AND SHREK WAS WATCHING!

 

"Oi, laddie, bring that right bottom over here [so I can SPANK you](https://pics.me.me/the-new-shrek-movie-looks-crazy-ow-27576956.png)."

 

Kyoya brought that right bottom over to Shrek and shrek spanked him. 

 

There was money sticking out of his ass. 

 

It was terrifying. 

 

"Fuck this. Take the shot," Can_o_tuna_balism grumbled. 

 

"When did you get back?" Jeenius asked, taking the gun from her friend's hand. They were holding a bowl of Kraft Dinner and looked grateful to have the extra hand to eat with. Eating Kraft Dinner straight out of the bowl was okay, but sometimes digging in with both hands was helpful. 

 

"Don't worry about it. The better question it: when are you going to take the shot? I'm sick and tired of Kyoya's bullshit." 

 

Jeenius took the shot. And you KNOW she didn't miss. 

 

Fuck you, Kyoya. 

 


End file.
